So how did British actor Henry Cavill ruin my life, you ask? We'll get to that later, but first, I must tell you about my 2020 new year's resolution. In addition to my annual resolutions to learn French and take up tarot card reading, this year I made the decision to expand my understanding and utilization of social media. Lately, I've become disenchanted with Facebook, which has been my lifeline to the world beyond my doorstep for God knows how long. I knew I had ridden that horse as far as it could go and it was time to graduate from the home school comfort of Facebook and enroll in the scary public school of Instagram. As many of you know, I am semi-retired and work part-time in the peaceful, solitude of my cozy little apartment. Sitting daily in front of my laptop, I was painfully aware that I was missing the opportunity to expand my digital world and explore new social media frontiers. I determined that mastering Instagram would be the vehicle for my maiden voyage into the open sea of the world wide web.
Now up to this point, I had only used my Instagram account to view the photos of the three friends I followed. Although I was truly intimated by the platform, I was determined to master something most five-year-olds could navigate with ease. With the help of Google ("how do hashtags work?"), a few YouTube videos and much trial and error, I dove right in. First, I had to actually learn how to use my smartphone. It was pretty rough going at first, but soon I was posting photos, videos, and other fun stuff. I was having a great time and that's when Henry Cavill came into the picture and it all blew up.
But, before we get to Mr. Cavill specifically, let me share my views about celebrities in general. Now, I get a kick out of seeing someone famous as much as the next person, but I've never really been a "fangirl". I lived in the French Quarter in New Orleans for many years which was a little like living in a perpetual movie set. I nearly ran over Clint Eastwood with my bicycle, I've sat on my balcony watching Paul Newman film on the sidewalk below, given Blythe Danner directions to her hotel, and waved to Kevin Kostner and Oliver Stone every morning for months on my walk to work. The Quarter was and still is, a destination for famous writers, athletes, actors, and, of course, world-class musicians. In all those years, only once did I initiate an encounter with a celebrity...I regretted it immediately. When the 1986 Super Bowl was held in New Orleans, I had the good fortune to attend one of the big NFL gala dinners. When I took my seat at our table I noticed that legendary quarterback, Bart Starr, was sitting at the next table in the seat closest to mine. I was so excited and I knew my Dad would never forgive me if I didn't take the opportunity to meet him. I decided that asking for an autograph was the best excuse for approaching him. As inconspicuously as possible, I slipped out of my chair and sidled up to Bart's chair. As I should have anticipated, being a gentleman, Bart stood up when I appeared at his side. He politely introduced himself, shook my hand and then proceeded to introduce me to everyone at his table, who turned out to be his wife and their adult children. Ashamed of my intrusion, I got my program signed as quickly as possible and scampered back to my own table, but it was too late, the damage was done. Before my butt could hit the chair, women from all over the room were headed towards him. I don't think the poor man sat down again for the rest of the evening. As his steak grew cold on his plate, all I could do was catch his wife's eye and mouth "I'm so sorry", to which she just smiled and shrugged her shoulders. I swore I would never do THAT again.
So, I hear you say, "Sally, that's all very interesting, but where does Henry Cavill fit into this story? And, how did he ruin your life?" I'm glad you asked. During the Christmas holidays, I kept with my tradition of curling up in my comfy jammies with a cup of eggnog and indulging in some serious television binge-watching. At the top of my binge list was this new Netflix series
The Witcher. OK, don't judge me, but I had never heard of Henry Cavill until I watched
Witcher. I KNOW! Exactly how big is the rock under which I live? According to all my friends, under the age of 40, a large, very large rock. I'm not embarrassed to tell you, I was completely captivated by this man's performance and his ridiculous good looks (not necessarily in that order). In fact, I had to watch the entire series twice. I was so distracted by Geralt, I completely lost the plotline during the first go 'round. So, of course, I googled him. I'm not really a superhero or action movie fan, so his filmography explained how he had escaped my notice. Frankly, for women my age there are three unassailable movie pillars...the only James Bond is Sean Connery, the only Batman is Michael Keaton, aaaannnd, the only Superman is Christopher Reeve. Watching Cavill's Superman did not shift any of those paradigms for me, but he definitely gets an A for effort. I even girded my loins and watched
The Tudors. Let's be real, the life story of a misogynistic, sexually abusive, toxic narcissist king was hitting just a little too close for comfort, but I focused on Cavill's character and soldiered through. I took in a couple of his other movies as well (
The Man From U.N.C.L.E. was my favorite...stylish and witty, Cavill and Hammer are a man-Twix bar of deliciousness). I know this all sounds a little obsessive, but in my defense, I just have way too much time on my hands. I figured I now had the complete 411 on Monsieur Cavill, then I remembered my social media new year's resolution and wondered, "Is he on Instagram?". And, Dear Hearts, that's when my little, insulated online world exploded and I found myself in an alternate universe.
Of course, he's on Instagram! I realize how very naive this sounds, but, I was not prepared for the sheer volume of online engagement that could surround one person! I was also not prepared for how quickly this cynical, sarcastic, old broad could get swept up into it. Cavill is a master at keeping his fan base engaged online. He posts something on Instagram pretty much daily, and the responses to each posting often number over a million. He is quite accessible online via Instagram, Facebook, various websites, and his fans are crazy in love with him! There must a team keeping this engine going. It's really impressive. So, just for fun, I commented on a couple of his posts, in my usual, not so serious, way. Suddenly, I was being followed by people I did not know, from all over the world, and some sending me messages and requesting to friend me on Facebook. Then there were all the Henry Cavill fan sites or trolls or bots...I don't know what or who they were, I just knew I was now completely out of my comfort zone, in over my head, and starting to panic! Yes, for a hot minute, Henry Cavill had ruined my life, but, he had also served to propel me, most unexpectedly, into the social media world I was seeking. So, thank you, Henry. I'm going to bravely continue my online journey, but, I'm currently not bothering with any other major movie stars. I'm all yours, Henry, unless Sean Connery is on Instagram, then we may have to break up.
Cheers,
Sally
I rest my case.
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